Welcome back to The Circle, the podcast where we go all in on men's work, embodiment practices, and personal growth from our queer perspective. If you're enjoying the show, please subscribe and leave us a review. And if you're curious about the work that we do or the practices that we've mentioned on the show, head on over to myembodiment.com where you can practice meditation, breath work, and yoga with us in real time. And you can ask us a question about anything you've heard us talk about here on the show. That's myembodiment.com.
Eric Bomyea:Now, on to today's show. In this episode, we're asking, why might someone struggle to recognize or accept care even when it's freely offered? The love being given is real, but it doesn't land for some reason. Maybe it's not shown in the way that we expect or maybe it stirs up old wounds. Whatever it is, we know that it can be frustrating on both sides.
Eric Bomyea:And so that's where we're going today. Tim, are you ready to go all in?
Timothy Bish:I'm ready. All right.
Eric Bomyea:So let's do this. This is a topic that's near to my sensitive little heart here, care.
Timothy Bish:Oh, is it? It
Eric Bomyea:is. Okay. And I've mentioned it a couple of times on this show that I have a distant relationship with my family. And a lot of that comes down to a narrative that I've told myself over and over again, subconsciously, consciously sometimes as well, that they just don't care or that they just don't get me. And the truth is, the real reality is they do care.
Eric Bomyea:They do love me. They just show it in a way that I don't always receive. I don't always receive their love in a way that signals to me I am cared for. And an example of this would be at Christmas, this past Christmas, where I didn't receive a formal invitation. I didn't receive a phone call.
Eric Bomyea:Nobody called me up and said, Hey, I want you to come to Christmas this year. It's at this time, this place. Will you please come? It was, in my opinion, a passive aggressive remark halfway through a Christmas phone call where it was like, Oh, would have been nice if you would have been here.
Timothy Bish:I remember you saying that. Yep.
Eric Bomyea:And so that just didn't land. And I know that underneath it all, underneath the tone, underneath all of it was a true sincere desire for me to join them. And there was sadness, and there may have been some whatevers in the way. I get that. I can intellectually understand that.
Eric Bomyea:Emotionally, though, I don't always see that, and I don't always feel that. And so that's the topic of today's conversation is why do you think it's so hard for someone to actually receive or receive care that's right in front of them?
Timothy Bish:I believe that care requires vulnerability. Part of the reason I think it might be tricky for people to express their care is because it takes an enormous amount of courage to tell a thing about yourself that you that matters. Right? Even even a tiny thing. I really like that TV show.
Timothy Bish:I really like you know, maybe something that isn't that important, but you're you're revealing, oh, there's something about this that matters to me. The more people know what matters, you know, like, the the more vulnerable we become. Oh, if you know what matters to me, you might potentially disagree with it, push back against it, use it against me, any any number of things. I think care requires a vulnerability, a bravery, a courage. And I think we live in a world where we're not really trained or taught to really show that in in lot a lot of ways.
Timothy Bish:And it's portrayed as very sexy to be mysterious and aloof and to not care. How many figures from movies are are the person who's so cool because they just don't care? Right? And that's a big part of their identity. Like, the thing that makes them cool is that they don't care.
Timothy Bish:I don't care about if you like my outfit. I don't care if you know? And so I think we've glamorized not caring, and we haven't practiced caring and recognizing care and respecting care. Because I remember one time, you know, I was, this has happened a few times in my life where I had a thing coming up, and someone would try to comfort me by basically telling me, well, don't be so nervous. It's not that big a deal.
Timothy Bish:And I remember thinking, well, the fact that you don't care about a thing I care about doesn't make it easier for me to care less about it. Now I'm mildly annoyed as opposed to recognize that it matters and then go from there. Right? So, oh, it's just you know, I remember early in my early in my teaching, which feels crazy now because it's, like, two decades ago, and I was so nervous that I was like, oh, they asked me to sub for this senior teacher. Like, can I do it?
Timothy Bish:And I expressed being nervous, and my friend was, you know, it's just a yoga class. Your the fact that you don't care about it or that you don't think it, like, merits a certain level of care hasn't changed that I do. And so now I just feel like you haven't seen or held me and and my situation what I care about. And then you've then you're left like well, so and I think that then lends it to, well, then maybe I'll be more guarded with what I what I share with people. Because when I tell
Eric Bomyea:you I care about something and I get that response, it is incentivizing me to not tell you about things I care about because I can't trust you. That is it's part of what I mentioned. Like, it's frustrating on both sides. Like, that person may still care about you. Right?
Eric Bomyea:That person that was saying, oh, it's just a yoga class. They may still deeply care about you. But the way that they're expressing their care in that moment isn't landing for you.
Timothy Bish:Right. Well, we should be clear about, like, what we mean by care. Sure. Because I care about how I show up when I teach yoga. I care about how I show up when I'm doing the embodiment circle or the sharing circle.
Timothy Bish:I mean, these are things that I care about. And that isn't the same thing exactly as do I care about this person. So maybe for the for the remainder of this episode, we should talk about, like, interpersonal love. Because, yes, I believe that that person does care about me or that they love me, and they and they want good things for me. But they didn't recognize that I cared about this thing, and that's why I was nervous.
Timothy Bish:Telling me that you don't care about it is the least helpful thing because it hasn't changed anything except now I know you don't care about it. But do they love me? Sure.
Eric Bomyea:That's that's like my Christmas example. That's not the the the response that I needed from my family. Right? I needed to receive their care fully for me and my emotions and my nervous system. I needed to feel them.
Eric Bomyea:I needed to feel their care in a way that I could hear. And that would have looked like, hey, I really want you at Christmas this year, and that's not what I got. Mhmm. But underneath it, I know that that's what they were trying to say. And so if I care about family time or care about quality time, I still think that there's a way that we can meet each other.
Eric Bomyea:And I think that there's a way that we can, both as the giver and the receiver of care, we can have some sensitivities to what it is that we're trying to express or what it is this person might be trying to express to us. And can we hold it with a little bit less preference sometimes and more with an openness of like, okay, Do I trust that this person loves me? Yes. Do they are they resonating with the thing that I care about so much right now? No.
Eric Bomyea:However, doesn't mean that they care about me any less.
Timothy Bish:And I think understanding a person's care can help you meet them. I'm gonna give an example with my ex husband. We were in couples counseling, and the or, you know, we could we could critique, like, the the robustness of our communication at times. But it it came out that he would be annoyed that I would leave my glass that I drank my iced coffee out of on either on the sink or the on the coffee table. And when we had this conversation where we, like, unpacked it, it was clear that we both had, like, different so he was like, I see this.
Timothy Bish:This feels like a lack of consideration or care. And so what he would do is he would keep putting it away as, like, a silent sort of teaching, kinda train me to understand. You know? And I would come home and be annoyed he put it away because I'm like, well, I was gonna use that cup again, right, or that glass again. But as soon as I recognized, oh, that matters to you, and and it matters to you in this way.
Timothy Bish:So, you know, I kind of discovered in this example, it didn't he didn't feel, like, considered. And so from that point on, I was much more mindful. I'm like, oh, I can put this away. Like, I was gonna use this glass again, but what matters more to me is that you feel considered by me, so I'm gonna make a a behavioral change. But that could only happen once I understood, oh, this matters to you.
Timothy Bish:You care about this. And until then, I'm like, okay. Well, I don't care about it. I think there's a real bravery in claiming and telling people, well, this this is important to me. So now another thing, my my my current roommate really likes it when we text each other when we're coming home.
Timothy Bish:It's super different for me. I just haven't done that basically in my whole life. And and we had a conversation where I'm like, oh, this really matters to you. This is a gesture that has value. So then I have now cried.
Timothy Bish:You know what? You know, I wouldn't say fairly good success, but there are still moments where I get home and I'm like, damn it. I didn't I didn't text. But mainly because I'm like, oh, well, you matter to me and this matters to you. And so it's a thing I can do.
Timothy Bish:I can sort of meet you in in your care. I can hold I can try to hold and understand what you care about and then meet you in that way because I care about you.
Eric Bomyea:Right. And that's why there there's so like the two different types of care, they are kind of connected. I care about this, and you care about me to consider what I care about. So in this case, roommate considers transparency of communication, of protecting space, right? And be like, hey, you're coming home.
Eric Bomyea:Just want to give you a heads up alerting the fact so that it's not a surprise when somebody comes in. That is something that that person cares about. And you care enough about that person to be like, oh, well, that's not what I normally would do, but I can do that. I can do that for this person because I care about them. And then they're receiving that as this person cares about me versus going back to I'll keep it with my example of my family.
Eric Bomyea:Just don't feel the care because they're not showing up in the way that I want them to. But the critical thing is I have not had that conversation with them. Like your roommate be like, hey, I receive care in this way. Right? Like, this is really important to me, and are you willing to meet me in this way to show me that you care?
Eric Bomyea:Because you do care, but I'm not receiving it as such.
Timothy Bish:Well and right. So with these examples, if you were to tell them and and help help them understand what you mean and and and ways in which they could demonstrate that, And then they still don't do it or don't try to do it. Because the thing is, it's funny with my roommate example. Recently, it was like a funny day where I had texted, like, two times coming home, and he wasn't there. And it was, like, not a big deal.
Timothy Bish:You know? And then the one time I forgot to text, he was home, and I did interrupt him. And I'm like, oh, I'm so like, I was like, I was doing so well all day. But it was much softer because, oh, I see your efforts. So I see that you you care enough to try.
Timothy Bish:In which case then the lack of perfection was more palatable than, I'm not trying at all. So now this is super annoying. Right? So with your family, it's empowering them to know what you need. And also, I think there's a part of it recognizing people's capacity So they may not be able to give you everything you need or exactly how you need it.
Timothy Bish:And then you have to think about what's what's the minimum amount that I'm willing to accept because you care about them. Right? It's funny because, you know, like, I love my mother. I love my mom so much. And she has a communication style that sometimes is, like, tricky for me.
Timothy Bish:And I I have to, like, have to, like, weather. Like, well, I care about you enough that I can, like, I can manage it in this way for this long, you know, because I don't think that's gonna change. My mother too. Boys talking about our moms. Right.
Timothy Bish:Gable was talking Gable was talking about
Eric Bomyea:her moms. I've had to really come to terms. And there's a woman in town. Her name is Myra. She runs an art studio and she also teaches a sound bath at the yoga joint on Wednesday nights.
Eric Bomyea:And her and I have had a lot of opportunities to connect. This topic actually came up recently with us where she saw something was weighing on me. She goes, how's your relationship with your family? And I said, really distant. And I explained the situation and kind of like, they don't always meet me in the ways that I want to be cared for.
Eric Bomyea:And she's like, well, have you considered just accepting what they're giving you and just being Okay with it? And she gave the example. She's like, if your dad calls you up on the phone, instead of your attitude being, oh, it's my dad. He's not gonna meet me the way that I meet that I need to be met. Hello.
Eric Bomyea:Versus, oh, my dad's calling. He must really care about me. Hi. Mhmm. Right?
Eric Bomyea:Like, instant change. But that requires, you were saying, it requires work and it requires a benefit of the doubt that some people are going to be more, I don't know if advanced is the right word, but a little bit more aware or mindful of these types of concepts. And sometimes it is, yes, I could have a preference. I could absolutely have a preference and a way in which I default receive love and care. But can I also be filled up when it's not that?
Eric Bomyea:Like if I really love quality time and that fills me up, woo. Right? But that's not how what I get all the time. Mhmm. Like, can I still, like, acknowledge that that person cares?
Timothy Bish:Yeah. And I think I think recognizing general, like, aptitudes, its capacities, and things like that, if we use the example of flexibility, given that we're both yoga teachers, you and I both know that students walk into the room with wildly different, you know, flexibility. Physical and mental. That's what so I'm just saying, like, mental, emotional flexibility is also a thing, and it's a thing, I think, that maybe some people have a more natural aptitude than others, but it's also a thing that can be practiced and and honed, whatever, which we've seen through people who practice yoga regularly. Even really tight people start to open up.
Timothy Bish:Things start to shift and change. Right? That could be true too. But can you imagine being, like, the really tight person walking into a yoga class and having the teacher be like, well, you can't meet me in a full split. So I have a feeling about that.
Timothy Bish:You're you're like, no. You so recognizing, okay. Well, where can you meet me? And and this is interesting because we don't wanna excuse bad behavior or certainly not abuse. And that's why I think the effort goes a long way.
Timothy Bish:Oh, you keep showing up. You're really committed to trying this thing. That, I think, goes such a long way. Because because why? Because, oh, well then that's a demonstration that you care.
Timothy Bish:It's not necessarily a demonstration that you are capable of doing a particular thing, but that you care enough to keep trying, keep honing that skill. And that really goes a long way for me.
Eric Bomyea:Demonstrating that you're listening when somebody communicates that to you, when they communicate a preference. Sometimes it might be a hard line. Most of the times, I hope that it can be a preference that we can have a conversation about, like roommate example. I would prefer that you text me on your way home. And two out of three times, you did it.
Eric Bomyea:Demonstrating care. And so I think the demonstration of effort comes through a conversation though and a revealing of expectations on both sides.
Timothy Bish:Yeah. So I'm gonna share a story now about a very dear friend of mine. I'm gonna use his name. My good friend Gordon, who I love you.
Eric Bomyea:Gloria. We love you, Gloria.
Timothy Bish:Yeah. So my friend Gordon, and recently, I I got really annoyed with him because I I I went out of my way to see him twice. I invited him to brunch, he couldn't come because he had to work. Then I saw him for a quick coffee. And then I went by the bar where he was working to see him again.
Timothy Bish:And afterwards, he gave me this text message. And I got really frustrated because I'm like, I care about you so much. I tell you that I care about you. Like, why why are we, you know, why are you questioning it? You know?
Timothy Bish:Anyway, the long story short was that I later came to realize I'm like, oh, I feel really clear about how much I care about Gordon. I can feel it because it's my emotional and physical sensational experience. And I'm the only one who can feel it because it's mine. Right? Like, the world would be different if we could feel other people's emotions, you know, in that same way.
Timothy Bish:So I'm like, oh, I'm annoyed because I know I know it with every fiber of my being. But then I realized I'm like, but that doesn't mean he knows it. And then I also thought, and I have a tendency to have a hard time trusting that people do care about me. So if anyone should be able to relate to that experience, it should be me. Right?
Timothy Bish:And so I was like, oh, I get it. And, you know, because because there are big changes coming, I'm like, Gordon's, you know, afraid of missing me and he loves me. And everything shifted with that realization. And I was like, I just need to I've been using the word love bomb. Mhmm.
Timothy Bish:But like, I just need to reassure him and every other person that I love deeply that I love them deeply. I have to remind them that I care about them, and I'm trying to do that now in ways that I think they can hear because the the the essence of it hasn't changed. I've I've loved and cared about Gordon and so many other people for a long time. But did I go out of my way to say it in, like, obvious ways? Or not even obvious ways.
Timothy Bish:It would have maybe felt obvious to me, but in ways that they needed. And then, of course, I was attached to well, I did this, though, and I did this, like which felt obvious obvious shares of of care to me. And that's, like, the whole, like, love language thing to be like, okay. Well, just because it's obvious to you does not mean it's obvious to someone else. And if you care enough, which I do, I'm like, can I do something else?
Timothy Bish:So it has paid off. Gordon is out Gordon, I love you. If you're listening to this episode, I love you. I love you very much.
Eric Bomyea:He's two weeks behind, so Gordon is two weeks. Yeah.
Timothy Bish:Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, in two weeks from now, I'll still love you. When you're listening to this, I'll still love you.
Timothy Bish:I love you. And, like, everything softened. Yeah. And I was like, oh, all I all I had to do to make this situation better was claim the thing I was already feeling. Right.
Timothy Bish:And I had to put aside, like, the annoyance that, oh, this person can't mind read. Right. When I realized it when I realized it, I started laughing. So I'm like, oh, right. Like, I'm I'm I'm asking for a mind reading or a sense of my own internal felt sense from another person, none of these things make any sense.
Timothy Bish:And so I kinda giggled, and then I love bombed, showed care, and everything softened.
Eric Bomyea:Yeah. And it's a very clear example of, like, I invited you to brunch, coffee with you, and I stopped by to see you. Those things, from your perspective, signal care. But to somebody else, that may not signal care. There's a plethora of different reasons as to why.
Eric Bomyea:Sometimes it's like, okay, well, I want quality time and that's not quality time to me. Right? And so I'm not seeing it as care. And though switching it, recognizing it, powerful. So powerful to be like, oh, we just had different expectations or different preferences around care, but I do care about you.
Eric Bomyea:So I want you to know that I really want you to bring this to the surface, bring it out into the open, and just let it be as transparent as possible. I care.
Timothy Bish:Well and I let's stay on this for a second because, you know, we're in the middle of Provincetown summer. And so I do believe that Gordon and Gordon, you know, send me a message when you listen to this episode, does really value quality time. Right? And it's peat on summer that's hard to come by, especially, you know, for townies who are working, the the overlap. It's pretty tricky.
Timothy Bish:And so at some point then, we have to we have to get comfortable with accepting what we can do. So would I love a three hour dinner with Gordon where we get to, like, go deep? Yes. Do I think that's gonna happen in July or August in Provincetown? No.
Timothy Bish:So then so then the work becomes this shared journey together of, well, then can these little stolen moments when I when I drop into the bar, which I know is nonoptimal considering the depth of conversation that we would like to have, but it's the thing I can give. Like, is that enough? Like and so and having that conversation about can I show you in this way because I can't quite show you care exactly how you want it right now? What's interesting is it might also be exactly how I want it. Mhmm.
Timothy Bish:Anyone who's ever worked in p town will immediately understand what we're talking about. This is really tricky. We're all really busy.
Eric Bomyea:Yeah. And the overlap isn't great. And I think, though, with this example, the beauty of the transparency of communication I think goes such a long way. If you're a sensitive peach like I am, right, like, I bruise really easily, and I take things super personally very quickly. I go into story very quickly.
Eric Bomyea:I have still so much work to do around that. Right? While I'm doing the work, can express to people what it is I might be wanting or needing and also then use that empathy to have been on that receiving side to put that out into the world to transparently tell people, hey, I'm stopping by to see you for five minutes because I really care about you. This is not optimal. Can I actually say those words out loud?
Timothy Bish:Well, I mean and I wanna highlight for people listening that, you know, Gordon is a man who is in the work. I consider myself a man who's in the work. We practice and we communicate and we, you know, whatever. And it still took this long. Mhmm.
Timothy Bish:So, you know, this is not about doing these things perfectly. It's about, you know, a constant sort of evolution. So I just learned a thing, and I can only now start working with that thing. I am gonna go make another story about my ex husband. Mhmm.
Timothy Bish:When we were in couples counseling, he had this complaint that I would that I would reflect back words that he said, and he felt like I was sort of pigeonholing him into into things. Right? And I'm like, well, that's what you said to me. And he was he said, you know, he said, oh, well, you know, because I have anxiety, I will rehearse things in my head. So usually when I say something, I feel pretty clear about it.
Timothy Bish:And it turned out that he is more whiteboarding and kind of working through it in in real time in the moment. And so I remember having this moment in in couples counseling where I'm like, I didn't know that. So you said things, and I just believed you. And I'm like, now I do know it. So now I can start to keep it that in mind.
Timothy Bish:I said, but I can only start doing that right now. I'm I just learned that thing. So I can't go back and undo all the times I reflected back and not knowing it. I just learned it now. So I think part of the practice is even when there are hurt feelings or disappointments, you didn't show up in the way I wanted you to.
Timothy Bish:Like, those feelings and experiences are real, but you can only act on a realization once you've had it. And so then can we be patient? So the thing with that's why I started laughing with Gordon where I'm like, initially, I was frustrated. Of course, I fucking love you. Like, what?
Timothy Bish:You know? And then you have the realization, and you're like, oh, okay. Well, now with this, I can be totally different, or I can try to be I can start the process of of practicing in a different way. Saying all that just to highlight this work is an ongoing, blooming, evolving. And even when you have people both people in a relationship doing this work, it can still be bumpy.
Timothy Bish:There can still be uncertainties, and there can be periods of time where you are not meeting each other. And sometimes periods of time where you're not meeting each other, and you don't even realize you're not fully meeting the other person. And so you have to be willing to consider a new possibility in light of new evidence. Right? Oh, I just realized a thing.
Timothy Bish:I just realized a way that I can meet Gordon. Can I start doing that now because I care about him? But the thing is I couldn't do it any sooner than me realizing it.
Eric Bomyea:I think this goes back to one of the first things you said. Care also, you have to trust that person. You have to trust that person can go along with you and trust that we can weather the storm, that we can figure this out, that we can consciously choose over and over again to continue to reveal, to be vulnerable with somebody, to continue to reveal, I care about this. Right. Or this is the way in which I receive care or whatever it might be, whatever the conversation is, can we be vulnerable with people to let us in?
Eric Bomyea:And then can we trust that that person, like, even when they get it, quote unquote, wrong,
Timothy Bish:still cares. Well, this example with Gordon is so perfect because he did demonstrate care for me by sending me these text messages that I found frustrating. He was telling me what he what he was feeling and what he wanted. He was telling them to me in a way that, like, I didn't love, but also I didn't realize until later. And like, oh, because he he can't feel the love I have.
Timothy Bish:So just exactly what you said. And even when it's working, you're like, oh, this person tried to communicate with me. They did communicate with me. It still might take a minute to kind of land and say, wait. What what is actually happening here?
Timothy Bish:Why am I annoyed? What's going on? What do they need? What are they really saying? You know?
Eric Bomyea:Or that we can reveal the better chances we have of meeting each other. That's a long journey. That's a long journey to be able to fully reveal exactly what it is that we're trying to communicate or what it is that we're wanting or needing.
Timothy Bish:I mean, sometimes we don't even know. It takes time to figure out the nuance.
Eric Bomyea:Because even in that example, I think, like, how specific was he in that message about, like, this is what happened. This is what I would prefer. Right? I don't recall, but I don't think from what I hear from you saying it wasn't like black and white. It wasn't a black and white like, I need this.
Eric Bomyea:It was I'm frustrated because.
Timothy Bish:I mean, he was in the same process I was in. Right? So he was telling me how he was feeling. Right. And some of like, part of why I got annoyed was like at one point, he he said, you seem defensive.
Timothy Bish:And, like and I'm like, oh, that's but now that in reflection, I'm like, that's probably right. That probably that is how he felt. Right? It took longer to recognize, oh, we're we're just gonna miss each other, and I need I just need to remind you how much I love you. That that took that took time.
Timothy Bish:Yeah. The we're gonna move through this life, and it's going to be rare that we get the perfect communication that we need. That's gonna be rare. I think just generally rare. It's definitely not gonna happen every time even if the person is attempting to do it.
Timothy Bish:And so we have to have some leeway for ourselves and for others. Oh, it took me this long to have this realization. Okay. Well, that's how long it took, and now now I have it. Now what do I do with it?
Eric Bomyea:Work on it together. You can work on work on it individually and together to come together and really, like, love bomb each each other.
Timothy Bish:Yeah. Another reason why it felt so silly later was I'm like, I absolutely love you. I have a ton of love in my heart for lots of people, and I'm never sad when I tell them. And I am really busy, and I know that I have a I can at times have a very, like, matter of fact manner of engagement. Mhmm.
Timothy Bish:You know? I'm well, you know, I'm a yoga teacher. I'm a fitness instructor. Like, oftentimes, I'm controlling a room. That's part you know?
Timothy Bish:Left foot goes here. Step your left foot forward. Yeah. Like, so I I recognize it about me, and and so then I had to remind myself of that too. Oh, okay.
Timothy Bish:Well, that feels commonplace, day to day business for me. Maybe it feels edgy, defensive, uncomfortable, lacking a warmth that a person who's desperate for some warmth would really like. Again, this, like, makes me wanna laugh because, you know, as soon as the realization, I'm like, I can just tell you how much I love you. I can do that I can do that every day. Mhmm.
Timothy Bish:We did not plan on having this conversation, but I would like this episode to be the unofficial love letter from me to Gordon or from us to Gordon, but me in particular. I, Gord, they love you. I'm so glad you're in my life. Sorry it took me this long to to recognize a way in which I can meet you. But I recognize it now, so I'm gonna keep working with it.
Eric Bomyea:And hopefully, you'll stick with me through it. This reminds me of probably my favorite Garth Brooks song.
Timothy Bish:Okay. Garth Brooks, here we go.
Eric Bomyea:Yeah. If Tomorrow Never Comes.
Timothy Bish:Wait. Are you gonna try to make us cry?
Eric Bomyea:No. Because this is maybe. Mean, like, it's connected to that, and it is something that I try to remind myself and live by because I've lost loved ones in my life who never knew how much I love them. Now I live with the regret that my true feelings for them never were revealed. So I made a promise to myself to say each day how much she means to me and avoid that circumstance where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel.
Eric Bomyea:As if tomorrow never comes, will she know how much I loved her? And so it's an opportunity and my hope, prayer, wish for everyone here is that you tell people how much you care about them. Because the truth is we don't always feel it. We do not always feel when other people care about us. And so it does go a long way to boldly communicate it to them.
Eric Bomyea:And then it doesn't have to be I love you.
Timothy Bish:But it could I say I appreciate you.
Eric Bomyea:Yeah.
Timothy Bish:And I say it a lot. It's part of my practice.
Eric Bomyea:And I think that goes a long way
Timothy Bish:for people. Well, some people think it's crazy. Whatever. Right.
Eric Bomyea:But, like, that's that's the way that you show care.
Timothy Bish:Well, it's also a practice. Yeah. Because I it's the same idea, which is sort of funny now with the the story story with Gordon, which is that's a thing I've been practicing. And this is a beautiful reminder of like, oh, well, I've been spiraling through this practice as we do with most of them. And it took me into this point to get, like, another layer, another view.
Timothy Bish:That is how I have experienced a lot of my practice and a lot of how my teachers have talked about it. We come back to the same thing. We're doing, you know, Asana. We're doing breath. We're doing meditation.
Timothy Bish:We're doing you know? And through repetition, things get revealed. Think about things you understand now through years of practice that you it would have been hard for you to even wrap your head around on day one. That's part of it. It's actually a beautiful part
Eric Bomyea:of it. It's a beautiful opportunity. Revisit it, see what's changed, see what might need to be adjusted, to make sure that it's still doing the intended purpose, right? That practice has an intended purpose. If telling people, I appreciate you, the intended purpose is to show people I care about you and I want to express that verbally so that it's very clear, sometimes that's not landing.
Eric Bomyea:And it's an opportunity to like, oh, well, here's a different perspective of it. Maybe I switched it up, maybe I changed it, whatever it might be. Or maybe I say it more frequently, whatever it is. You're absolutely right. It is a beautiful part of practicing something, seeing it from a different side, seeing it from a different angle, adjusting as necessary.
Eric Bomyea:I think about low lunge. I had been doing yoga for almost fifteen years before I realized I could move my hips in different directions to lower my hips. I pull my right hip back. I press my left hip forward, and then my my hips drop down. What?
Timothy Bish:Wait. When did you discover that?
Eric Bomyea:It was wild just recently. I think it was probably in one of your classes. Yeah. It was within the last two years. Yeah.
Eric Bomyea:And I've been doing yoga for over a decade at that point. And I was like, woah. But that's back to something over and over and over again and discovering nuances.
Timothy Bish:Yeah. There's this teaching in ballet where they would talk about, you know, whenever you do, like, a developpe, essentially lifting your leg up, you know, which obviously lots of ballet dancers do and, you know, ballerinas in particular. And they used to say, you know, lift your leg not from the top of your leg, but from the bottom of your leg. And anatomically, that doesn't really make any sense. You're like, the way that the muscles work, you know, this is what's responsible for hip flexion and this is what's responsible for knee flexion.
Timothy Bish:You know? But I remember, you know, years into my training getting a sort of a sensation. And I'm like, oh, I think that's what they mean, that sensation that changed my intentionality around doing this thing. But it was only from, like, hearing it over and over again and thinking about it and trying and trying and trying until one day you're like, oh, I got I got a new perspective on that. Now, I never had great developes.
Timothy Bish:So I had my own strengths.
Eric Bomyea:What if a teacher thought that by you not hitting that develop a was a way of not appreciating them? Right?
Timothy Bish:Like It's all about the effort. I think I think dance teachers, even the strictest sort of like sharpest of them, recognize the effort. It's a little bit like, oh, I want you to do I want you to do six pirouettes. Okay. Cool.
Timothy Bish:If I can't do that right now, doesn't mean I'm not trying or that I don't care about what you just said. Are you trying goes a long way. Yeah. I don't think any of my dance teachers did that. Mhmm.
Timothy Bish:Thank god because these take a long time. So if you ask me for six birouettes, I'll just tell you how much I love you.
Eric Bomyea:Well, I can't do that, but I can do it, and I care about you.
Timothy Bish:I care about your teachings. That's right. You matter to me. And I can keep trying if you want.
Eric Bomyea:With that, I feel inclined to say, I care about you. I care about you, Chad. I know that you're gonna be watching this, editing it for us. So just getting it out there into the universe. I care about you.
Timothy Bish:Thank you. I think that we need to bring more communication around our care. Because my life is an example. There are so many people that I have care for, levels of care for. And I'm gonna bring up another example, so we're we're dropping all the names.
Timothy Bish:There's an unbelievable woman named Linda at the coffee pot. Linda? It's the coffee shop. What's the name of that plaza? Portuguese Square.
Timothy Bish:Yes. In Provincetown. And I have, for the last two years, been going there to get my iced coffee because it is the biggest iced coffee in P town. So it's really great deal. And I have now created a relationship with, like, the the woman who's there mainly.
Timothy Bish:We talk every day now. We have a nice interaction. She sees me. She's sometimes making my coffee before I've even walked through the door. Right?
Timothy Bish:Sweet. We it's just really, really great. And so do I care about Linda the way I care about my mom or the way that I care about my life purpose? No. Probably not.
Timothy Bish:But do I care about Linda in a way that matters and that I think is important to me and I think is important to her? Yes. Yes. And so and I actually know one like, the moment our relationship, Linda and I, the moment our relationship deepened was when I I said to her, I'm like, these summer this was last summer. I'm like, these summers are really intense for me.
Timothy Bish:And seeing your face every day has been like a bull a bolster or a buttress for me. I really appreciate how nice you are to me in the morning when I'm gonna start a really demanding and sometimes unbelievably lonely day. We were already familiar with each other, but but I think that my declaration of, like, you matter to me and here's an example of why, like, deepened it. I'm sweetie now. Like, she's just know what I mean?
Timothy Bish:It's like we have a whole thing. We have a whole thing. Anyway, Linda, if you're listening Mhmm. I mean I don't know if you're listening, but if you are listening, I care about you, and thank you for all the things you've done for me.
Eric Bomyea:Well, I'm feeling very complete.
Timothy Bish:Oh, I'm I'm feeling complete too.
Eric Bomyea:Will you take a sow, please?
Timothy Bish:Yes. Let's close our eyes and just draw our awareness inward for a second because we care about our bodies and our intuition. And it is with deep appreciation and gratitude for any insights, understandings, or awarenesses that may have been gained through this conversation in the shared sacred space that we now release the archangels and the spirits that we called in. And with these words, container is open but not broken. Uh-huh.