Steady Leadership: Julian Cyr on Calmness as a Form of Resistance

Welcome back to The Circle where we go all in on men's work, embodiment practices, and personal growth from our queer perspective. If you haven't already, please be sure to like, subscribe, and leave us a review. Today, we're joined by Massachusetts state senator Julian Cyr, who represents Cape Cod, Martha's Vineyard, and Nantucket. Dedicated advocate for public health, LGBTQ plus rights, and economic development, Julian brings a thoughtful and measured approach to leadership. Together, we're exploring how calmness can be a form of resistance in a world that thrives on urgency and reactivity.

And we contemplate the question, how does staying steady shape leadership, activism, and personal growth? Tim, Julian, are you ready to go all in? I'm ready. Ready. Alright.

Let's go. So, Julian, for those who may not be familiar with your work, can you share a bit about your role as a state senator and what brought you into public service?

Well, first of all, thank you for having me, Eric and Tim. We're neighbors and friends, and it's been exciting to watch, you know, this this, podcast project as an extension of a host of good things you're doing here, in Provincetown. So I'm I'm someone who, I grew up here, on the Outer Cape in Truro. I'm a lifelong Cape Codder. Spent more years of my life, waiting on tables and working behind the line.

My family at a a long time seasonal restaurant here, in North Truro. It's called Adrian's. And, you know, was really someone who you know, when you grow up in, a tight knit community, like, quite literally at Lands' End, you know, you kinda have this appreciation for, like, an in it togetherness and and, you know, that that much of our you know, when when when when you're making a life out here, right, you know, there's very much of that strong, you know, community, and I think that certainly, was something I grew up with. And, you know, was always someone who appreciated how special this place was, that I was really lucky and fortunate to, you know, to to to be born into this place, in a way and then to have a foothold here, And, you know, with someone who also early on got really into public service, I had an experience when I was, in high school. We had pretty big budget cuts to the regional high school budget in Allstate, which is regional school, a little up cut up cape from here.

And if we didn't close the budget gap at town meeting at four town meetings in the regional schools, we're gonna have to lay off 40 teaching positions and staff across the district, probably including many of the the music teachers. I was a a big choir, choir nerd. Mhmm. Also was in the orchestra and, you know, just couldn't let that happen. And, had never done anything really political.

My parents aren't, you know, are are sort of good progressive people, but not not really political people, and helped instigate a student led initiative to convince the voters to, pass an override, to support the school funding. And we won. And so the first time in my life, you know, I was, like, 17 years old where I said, hey. Wait a minute. Like, I'm you know, I kinda understood that I could step out into my community and how I could go about instigating change, And I've been riffing on that ever since.

Mhmm. You know, certainly at that time, I probably would have been horrified to, think of myself, you know, about twelve, thirteen years later, running for state senate, which I did when I was 29 years old. You know, but but really studied a lot of public policy, got really into, public health policy in particular. I was in New York, was in DC briefly, landed back home in Massachusetts, got to work,

on a gubernatorial election, got to go work the Department

of Public Health in Massachusetts for six years, did a tour of duty in the Obama campaign as well, and then in 2016, ran for state senate. I was a first time candidate, 29 year old queer kid from the small town in Cape Cod. Someone like me is probably not supposed to have this job. Right? I know here in Provincetown, we think this is sort of the center of Cape Cod.

It very much is not. Right? This is a town of, 3,000 people. Barnstable, the largest town in the Senate District is, 45,000. Right?

But, got really lucky. We worked hard, knocked over 20,000 doors, won a competitive primary, won a competitive general, and I was elected, to public office, to the state senate in 2016. And so I've been working, working to represent about the 80,000 Cape Codters and Islanders, in the Cape Cod And Islands District since, this is most of Cape Cod. This is in the district. So Barnstable to Provincetown and then Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard.

So it is a beautiful place. It's also a place that faces really persistent challenges with affordability. We have a housing crisis that's the worst in the state. Big challenges related to a wastewater. How do we steward our economy, access to health care in a geographic place, addiction and an opioid epidemic, which has affected us really severely.

So lots of big challenges that I've gotten to sink my teeth into, over these last eight years.

Well, thank you so much for being here, and it sounds like you're exactly the person who should be in your position. Right? Like, you've grown up here. You understand it, and then you can bring that love and the appreciation for this place and try to make it the best it can be. And I know I'm grateful for having you.

You know, some of the work that you've done and the impact that it's had. So we're very glad that you are here doing what you're doing and then also here with us on this podcast. So

I loved hearing about your first, like, foray into public service with that high school example. And so I'm curious, as I'm sitting here witnessing you talk, like, you do you exude a calm energy and, like, a stableness. So I want to know, like, can you recall back to that that time in high school? Like, what was your mindset like? Were you this, like, stable ground Oh,

hell no. And and and and maybe the stable ground and force is, I I do a lot of these interviews, and, you know, as part of this work. So you get good at it. But as as I was, like, thinking about that moment, it was actually a very anxious time for me. You know, as someone who was coming out at the time, I had the a remarkable privilege of growing up at a place where I I knew who queer people were when I was, like, two, three, four years old.

Right? Had so many, role models and examples of, happy, successful, you know, LGBTQ people live, yeah, in my backyard. Right? And and yet still coming out was, you know, even difficult for me as a kid, who grew up here. And, I really think back on that time where, I was really struggling with I was really struggling to sort of figure myself out.

I think I had a lot of as often many, you know, younger folks do. This is not sort of a unique story. You know, but really I think for me as someone who had really thrown themselves into academia and academics sort of as a a salve for my, limp wrist and queerness and, you know, kind of had had gone away from doing, you know, theater in middle school and in high school, right, because I didn't wanna be kind of painted as a kid. I I then had this opportunity, this experience, was invited to, audition for, an honors chorus, in the school, which is just a remarkable program. Of course, all the young women, there'd be, like, 200 auditioning, not 200, like, a hundred young women auditioning for this, like, very select choir.

And there are so few boys that, like, I was recruited. Right? Like, the choir teacher, who I still know, is a dear friend Allison Bevan. She's, she's the, director of the Outer Cape Chorale now.

You know,

she was like, hey. You have a resonant voice. Like, can you sing? You know? And and so I really kinda fell into it haphazardly.

And this was between my sophomore and junior year. And the experience of being with, a group of people, you know, there was 14 or maybe 16 of us, you know, strong musicians. Right? But that collective experience, you know, there is something actually quite, it's a quite quite powerful moment to make music with other people, especially with your own, you know, using your your your voices. And and, you know, that experience for me more than anything else in, in high school helped helped, I think, bring me back to myself, to, like, a a younger version of myself.

I think really helped me have community and and figure out who I was, and helped me come out. Yeah. And so when, you know, the prospect of that being just taken away because of budget cuts, I couldn't let that happen. Right? Almost in, you know, a bit of a a a a selfish response in in a way.

So, no, that was not a really calm time for me. And and I think over many of the years, you know, I'm someone who, when I'm anxious or when I'm in sort of a public space, I have a tendency to be, you know, kind of performative. And I think I've learned, you know, the combination between, you know, waiting on tables, which I did for fourteen seasons, and, you know, being an extroverted person at least, you know, kind of in in in a public space, figuring out that I could be funny, make people laugh, and be sort of performative in that way, I think, was was all the mask in in in some respects for my social anxiety. And I've been, you know, working to figure that out, over the years. Well, one

of the things I feel like I'm hearing you say with regards to the choir and the initiative that you took on in high school is this, I mean, you jokingly referred to it as selfish because it was serving you so deeply, but it actually sounds like it was mutually beneficial, which is the highest sort of relationship that we can attain, according to the yoga practice. So, you know, it didn't just benefit you, but it benefited every other person who also needed that outlet, that safe space, that practice of expression. You know, there's obviously so many benefits to music and studying that and and performing it and whatnot. So, thank you for doing that. I also, as you know, have benefited from, being in theater.

I was a professional dancer and, studied singing and acting and dance and all that. What was interesting to me was in some of my studies, there are a lot of books about trauma and the body. And one of the books in particular, at the end of the book, they start talking about ways in which we can start to work with our trauma. And a lot of theater and the exercises that are built into theater are also very good for trauma. So when I think about myself as a young queer person struggling to come out, I am older than you, so it was a different time.

Just a

little bit. Just a just a We we almost overlapped.

Oh, yeah. That's right. That's right. But you I realized, oh, a lot of the things I was doing in dance and choir and acting class and musical and all that were treating these things by allowing me to discharge them from my nervous system and and express them in certain ways. That doesn't mean that I still wasn't riddled with anxiety because I absolutely was.

But so if those programs had gone away, I can only imagine what my experience might have been. And so thank you for doing it where you were doing it. The world needs more of it. And, healing and the conversation around healing in whatever form we can get it, I think, is very, very important. So thank you for bringing it.

Yeah. I also think that during that example that I I heard, like, though there were a lot of things that were happening in your life that that were anxiety inducing, it did sound like there was an outlet there that helped to start to ground you and connect you or reconnect you back to your authenticity. Because I heard you say, like, it helps you reconnect to that young boy. Right? And that, like, authenticity that was within you that may have gotten squashed at some point and, like, just, like, being able to, like, tap into that.

So, to me, that starts to show, like, that connection, a tie into your leadership and the steadiness that you bring to your leadership.

Like, almost all of us have this experience in some way or another where, you know, there's a masking of yourself and there's a shame, and there's a there's a fear about being sort of, called out or seen. You know, we're all kind of we're all the generation where, you know, I really think was really tough in a number of ways because, you know, there was public consciousness of LGBTQ people, right, when we were in middle school and in high school, you know, when in in a way that kind of there wasn't sort of before. Right? This is, you know, kind of, like, don't ask, don't tell, debates and, you know, the advent of marriage. And and and so, you know, this is a time where I just, you know, think bullying and, you know, gay as a remember when gay was a a slur?

Mhmm. Right? And, you know, I I, again, grew up in Troy, you know, grew up in Troy. I went to this, like, beautiful little elementary school, where I could not have been more sort of, affirmed, you know, this amazing sixth grade teacher, John Van Cott, who, you know, I'm still still friends with. You know, him and his his partner would come into the school and do theater classes, and he took us to New York.

And, I mean, it could not have been a more, more wonderful kind of, special place. But, you know, going just down the street in the Orleans to middle school was a very homophobic experience. Right? And so you really kind of wanted to get away from the sort of telltale signs or things that sort of, you know, gave away, you know, who you may be, or even having the experience or being told you're you you know, told you're gay, told you're queer before you even have a consciousness of it. So, you know, I I really think that, you know, this is part of how I think a lot of us bring our anxiety.

A lot of us bring just, you know, our fears and and also sort of the orientation of how we, how we sort of move in the world and interact with other people. And and and, you know, I certainly have been someone who has relied on and once I sort of figured out I could be a little funny, or once I figured out I could be, you know, smart and witty and performative. Right? I really relied on that and have, you know, certainly certainly probably done a bit bit too much of it in my day. And and now as a, you know, I guess someone approaching middle age, I guess is is although, hey, in Provincetown, like, you know, you're young.

Yeah. On Cape Cod, it's the oldest county in New England. Like, you're young until you're 55. That's great. I mean, I you know, I got sixteen, seventeen years.

No. I I I think that that that this this you know, those experiences still kinda carry with you even though you learn you know, in in the I think in my case, right, I've I've learned to be able to have, you know, what you folks perceive as a pretty, like, calm, chill conversation. You know, and we get and that's and that's part of, like, practice. Right? Just got dance practice or sitting on tables or practice talking all the time and giving speeches and listening to people, which is what we do, often in public service.

And then how do you you know? But still your older self is is there, and you sometimes need some outlets to to to figure that out.

Awesome. And, like, these some of these things, like, you're talking about, like, you know, comedy and other such outlets, like, can help you maintain your composure in a situation that may start to get a little heated or maybe even a little, like, threatening. Right? Like, it's a way to kind of, like like, keep the temperature down a little bit.

Yes. So you can also rely on it too much. Right? So I think there's a, you know, the the the all of our sort of, you know I tend to like to tell myself or maybe my therapist helps me tell myself, you know, that that many of the tools and strategies that that, you know, I've used and we've all used, you know, at other points in our life were really useful Mhmm. At one point.

Right? And then, you know, you gotta ask sort of what's what's their use now? Is it no longer useful to me? And and how do you how do you change some of those anxious habits, you know, when they're no longer serving you?

They were there as a protection, right, to yourself at one point. And, like, honoring that protector is one of the greatest things that we can do in our healing. I've had to do it as I've I've journeyed out of my head and into my body. Like, years of of trauma and traumatic experiences kept me disconnected from my body. And so I lived here.

And so part of my work is saying, like, if there is a gatekeeper that exists here that prevents my consciousness from actually going into my body and, because my body was not a safe space. Like, it's not saying, hey, gatekeeper. You're you're, like, your your job is done. You need to leave. It's thank you.

Thank you for doing that.

So, Julian, you and I were talking, in the gym about, our current moment. Right? And so right now in this moment, there's a lot of stuff happening for our LGBTQIA plus community. And, so I think queer people of all kinds in all places are facing a challenge of how to navigate this moment. And you said something so beautiful to me about calm as a form of resistance.

And then we started talking a little bit about how embodiment might be one, avenue towards cultivating that. So let's talk a little bit about what we're going through now and how we can empower queer people all over in all stages of life to navigate what is likely gonna be challenging and, at times, probably a little uncomfortable.

So I think this is a difficult time for a lot of folks, you know, LGBTQ, and and and otherwise. Right? You know, this is this is a really, you know, trying, terrible moment, in in this nation's history. You know, we're when we're recording this podcast, this is a month, into the Trump presidency. And what we have seen has been, overwhelming, has been a bevy of, executive actions, many of which, you know, I I think and and a number of lawyers and others would agree with me are illegal or really pushing the bounds of the constitution.

But but at this moment and, you know, this last month, right, this is what I first try to remind myself is that this has been designed this is a political strategy to overwhelm, to distort, to unmoor people from, from themselves, from a sense of, you know, safety, and and and and and and that's the strategy. Steve Bannon uses this term called muzzle velocity. Describe, what is effectively a political and media strategy where you overwhelm and you've seen this happen. Right? You you overwhelm both our media and the public with just a litany of all sorts of things.

Right? And that is designed to unmoor us from ourselves, to distort, to make us feel, hopeless, despondent, you know, wanting to, you know, throw the cut the the covers over your head and stay in bed. Right? This is a very a very, specific strategy, and I think that reminding myself of that is is is first been sort of most is is how I start to sort of ground myself.

I'm really glad I'm really glad you brought that up because I feel like there's a lot of men now that are experiencing the overwhelm. And when they ask me about the benefit of embodiment work and and why we do that, it is if we do not have a relationship with our own body and our own emotions, then oftentimes we won't really notice them until they are already overwhelming. Right? We come into an awareness of this experience because it is so big that I can no longer ignore it. And so one of the things when I when I tell people about these practices or, you know, this process is to create that awareness of your own self so you can become aware of, like, oh, I can see that starting.

I can see that frustration or that sadness or that loneliness or that fatigue or whatever the thing might be. I can see it beginning, and I can start to take conscious action in that moment. And so that to me feels like one path of navigating some overwhelm, which I have actually used, to to minimize my media intake, which I've been doing recently because I realized, oh, if I wake up every day and watch this morning show that I like, I feel overwhelmed because it feels like everything is crumbling. So I start making some choices about how I'm gonna do that. So when we think about ways to mitigate this overwhelm, like, what other what other suggestions do you have for people who are trying to not fall victim to that strategy that is clearly trying to do that to them.

So I I think first, noticing it. I think then second, as you said, you know, how we consume information. I mean, I I've had to sort of change that. Right? Look, I'm someone who who consumes a lot of news and information.

That's part of my job, you know, quite literally to do that. And I've had to be like, okay. Wait a minute. You know what? Like, toggling between, social media and The New York Times and Politico before I'm going to bed is, like, not a calming activity.

And and and I'll admit, I it it used to be kind of a calming activity, at least the news kind of part. I I can still get away with it with, like, the state news. I can read, like, I can read, like, State House news, which is all about, like, Massachusetts and state politics. I can still read that and it has sort of a calming effect for me. But, you know, so I've had to sort of change and say, alright.

I'm not gonna I'm not gonna consume this at night because it's just gonna, I don't know, really really really screw with some good, health you know, sleep hygiene. And I've also realized too that, like, so much of our social media is, you know, just it has become so sort of, like, political, both in things I wanna see and not wanting to see. So I think just being a little strategic about, you know, when you sort of consume or how you consume. And then I've also just been trying to ground myself, in a bit of history, in some reading, you know, dusted off my copy of, Howard Zinn's People's History, which is, you know, one of many great sort of resources around how do we, you know, how do we think about, you know, not only the moment we're in, but, how that relates to other points in American history. You know, this really reminds me of in some ways, in many ways, actually, where we were in the nineteen teens and and early nineteen twenties, where we're coming out of the last major, pandemic, Spanish influenza.

What happened to this country? There was a a nativist panic. And, you know, the immigration policies that had enabled millions and millions and millions of immigrants, mostly European immigrants, but from elsewhere. Many of whom are families, you know, mine included, you know, came to this country in that, you know, wave what you know, there was a major backlash, a nativist backlash, you know, with very strict, quota laws put into place in 1921 and '23. So knowing that history a bit is also kind of grounding in some way.

Right? Mhmm. That it doesn't feel they're like, okay. We've been here before. This has been awful.

Like, awful things have happened. Awful things are happening happening now. I have a good friend, a good friend of all of ours, you know, who says that, you know, look. The world's always been burning. We just didn't know it.

We have an unprecedented amount of access to information, how we're consuming that information. We have, you know, these doubles of ourselves that exist on social media. And so I think I think holding fast to that is is crucial. And then the commas of resistance, this is not my idea. This is actually something I I I picked up and I read, in a book by Naomi Klein, who is a, real sort of critic of neoliberalism and and sort of this late stage capitalism that we've had over years.

She's a a journalist and thinker. She's written books like No Logo, talking about marketing and branding, shock doctrine, kind of in the post 09/11 era, right, how shocks are used to, you know, for political and corporate benefit. But her latest book is called Doppelganger, and it's, it's a fascinating piece about a whole host of, really, actually, she comes to the work because she's confused, on Twitter and online, with another Naomi. So there's Naomi Klein, and then there's Naomi Wolf who who is a, a feminist thinker and journalist who, in recent years, has really kind of been enmeshed within the Maca world. And, this sort of almost comical confusion online, leads to this whole exploration she has around bubbles.

And there's lots of different tidbits in the book, but there's this one moment where, she talks about calm as a form of resistance. Mhmm. And I so I I, I had this book with me. I I was lucky enough to, be somewhere warm, in the second, in the last week in January. And I was by the pool, and I just started reading this book that a a friend had given me a while ago.

And I started just devouring it because it felt like it there was just so many parallels to what's going on in our moment. It was helping me understand, just so many things that I was seeing and living and doing. And then this calm as a form of resistance, I was like, woah. It was really cool. So do I mean, I I brought the book to you.

Do you

wanna, like, read this so we can, you know

Please do.

But this is not my idea. This is this is me

I'll reading from a

brilliant woman's idea. So calm as shock resistance. Pattern recognition, by now, this is this is Naomi Klein's Stop logo gamer. It's on it's it's on page two twenty six. Pattern recognition is often how I describe the work of my life.

I remember the moment of true click when there was a connection between the increasing precarity of work, the consolidation of ownership in key industries, and the exponential increases in marketing budgets that characterize the hollow corporate structures of the first lifestyle brand. I wrote shock doctrine in the hopes of providing a similar feeling of orientation. These were the years after September 11 had scrambled political signals and shaken the confidence of many friends and colleagues. I pursued a story once again of connections, this time between our post our moment of post terror shock and the way other shocks have been used over the last century to push policies that stripped other nations and peoples of rights rights, privacies, and wealth held in common. In the torrent of disconnected facts that make up our feeds, the role of the researcher analyst is playing to try to create some sense, some ordering events, maps of power.

The most meaningful response in my writing life came from the loveliest of literary map make makers, John Berger, when I sent him the shock doctrine in galleys. Many people have found said they found the book enraging, but his response was different. He wrote that for him, the book, quote, provokes and instills a calm. When people and societies enter into a state of shock, they lose their identities and their footing, he observed. Quote, hence, calm is a form of resistance.

I think about those words often. Calm is not a replacement for righteous rage or fury at injustice, both of which are powerful drivers for necessary change. But calm is the precondition for focus or the capacity to prioritize. If shock induced a loss of identity, then calm is the condition under which we return to ourselves. Berger helped me see that the search for calm is why I write, attain the chaos in my surroundings, my own mind, and I hope the mind of my readers.

The information is almost always distressing and to many shocking. But in my view, the goal is never to put readers into a state of shock. It should pull them out of it.

Thank you for that.

Not cool. It's really I was just like, what and it's this little tiny, like I mean, it's just on, like, two little pages. It's this little nugget. It's you know, the book's about so many other things. I love that.

Yeah. Just think about

this as, like, if if calm is a form of resistance, and I I can see that, then how might we utilize that in this moment? And when I think about the work that we're doing in embodiment practice, one of the ways that we do that is we start to understand our edges. We start to understand our boundaries, our capacities. We start to have a clearer idea of what I can hold and what I can't hold and what starts to happen when I'm asked to hold more than I'm capable. Right?

And so I think with continued practice, and you can tell me if you agree, we can start to become more and more calm when you're like, oh, I've already held this much before. I know what this is gonna feel like as opposed to, well, I've never explored this. And so at any moment, it could become completely overwhelming. And so we do that in embodiment practice. And, you know, you've been to the circle many times.

We do this with movement and with breath and with visualization and attention and intention, so many tools that we use. But I'm curious now, how else might we if you were gonna recommend, how else might might we practice really conscious calmness? Calmness that isn't apathetic, but rather is grounded and present, therefore, is the is the the starting block for powerful, impactful action.

I would refer to you too on on on on the actual calmness strategies. Right? But but that calm being a precondition for focus, right, and that calm being the way that we return to ourselves. And and I think some of you know, a lot of the work that I think you do, and many, many others, right, is is how do you how do you get to that sense of calm, right, when you're not,

When the world is coming at you Yeah. From all sorts of directions.

And you're not a seasoned research analyst who's like, you know, alright. I'm gonna analyze this in this way. Right? How do you come back to that?

Right. If you turn on the news and it's all about urgency and reactivity and just intensity, like, it's very easy to get swept up into that and to then start to get into that shocked mentality. And so thinking about calmness as a way to be resistant is really fascinating where if like the if the intention of all this, this shock and urgency and velocity of of information is to, immobilize people, is to create such an overwhelm, then the resistance to that is saying, sorry. It's not gonna it's not gonna impact me. I'm calm.

I'm calm right now. So that strategy isn't gonna work on me today. Right? You tried, but not today.

Yeah. I mean, I I I think in many respects, what what they're doing, to be clear, is gonna very much impact you and me and and and all of us. Right? But that that the, that that that calmness is a way to actually see and name what's going on and to kind of get our and and to understand that the feeling of panic that we have all felt in the last month

Mhmm.

And that scores of people have felt and many people who are much more vulnerable, than than the three of us. That is by design. Mhmm. And then you've gotta figure out, alright, how how then how how do I get to that place of calm? Right?

And and and and client you know, I I mean, client says very clearly. Right? This is this isn't about, moving away from the shock or ignoring it or or sort of, you know you know, being in this Zen ed out world where, you're not grounded with what's going on in in the rest of the world.

Recognizing it and naming it just like Tim was mentioning with meeting our edges. Right? It's like it's starting to understand and build that relationship with that reaction.

Well, Well, I think we need to remember when we're talking about calm, that we're not suggesting that this is like a choice that you can just make. It's a it's not a light switch that you can walk over and be like, I choose calmness flip. Because when we are when we are reacting to these things, whether we're looking at media, social media, like, you know, whatever's happening, there is an impact in our nervous system and in our endocrine system. And we have to recognize, okay. I can be impacted by a thing that I've seen, heard, or or think I've understood, and now my endocrine system is putting into my bloodstream different hormones and biomarkers that are going to impact me.

So later when I walk around and I feel really agitated, it isn't a lack of mental discipline sometimes. It's a physiological response to a perceived threat. So we have to give ourselves, oh, you might be really worked up. You might hear a story about an executive order or, you know, a congressional whatever and have that feeling, now what? And so this is why so many of these embodiment practices and yoga practices and, you know, why do you feel better when you go do the gym and do a workout?

Because we get to metabolize that part of it. So, I think that's an important part of this idea. You can't just decide to be calm. You can decide to take action in pursuit of calmness depending on where you're at. And so that's why having tools to do that, I think, are really important.

Can you breathe? Can you call a friend? Can you feel your feet on the ground? Can you close your eyes? Can you go into the bathroom?

Can you, like well, can you take can you splash cold water on your face? Any number of things that are gonna start to create a change that is not gonna necessarily be instant. And we and the more I think we are aware that it isn't an instant fix, the more we can then consciously engage with whatever is happening in that moment.

Yeah. And and how does that, that that ability to come back to a sense of calm, right, which I think has a bit of a, you know, it's a practice or like a muscle memory or or and part of that's the work of the circle, and part of that is is a number of other things that people do. Right? That that the ability to learning how you're able to do that is how you come back to yourself. Right?

That the shock, that the angst takes you out of yourself and and unmoors you, which is their point politically in addition to being, like, you know, a painful, not great place to be, and probably not too healthy either. Right? But I I I always tend to think of, alright. What are the what what's, like, the muscle memory or the the practices that I can come back to? And, admittedly, I'm I'm, you know, this this this occurs for me sort of in fits and starts.

Right? What's your practice that you're able to not become unmoored from yourself? Mhmm. Because, you know, over these last four weeks and over the next four years, that is their strategy and that is their point.

Well, because we're we're so easily manipulated when we're in that place. Right? I'm really afraid. I just heard a story. I'm now I'm now feeling a threat that may be months away, years away, but but I'm feeling it now.

And so I need to have some tools that are gonna help bring me back in this moment. Turn the volume down on that just enough so that I can start to make more conscious choices. Because I think really their power is, can I get people to start making some choices, some reactions in from that state? And from that state, I might panic. I might, like, look for safety in in groups.

I might, you know, buy some supplements or whatever the thing is. Like, we're we're easily manipulated and controlled in that state.

Yeah. Would you say pizza? Supplements. It's some solution. I love what you said about turning down the volume because that's really been my experience with, anxiety.

That's been my experience with body dysmorphia. That's been my experience in a number of things. Right? Is that when you have a bit of a practice or you've done, you know, whether it's therapeutic work or or or more physical embodiment work, you know, being able to turn down the volume, the anxiety the anxiety doesn't isn't vanished. Mhmm.

Totally. But the volume gets turned down to the point where, like, it's really in the background and it's not getting in the way. You know, my body dysmorphia isn't banished, but I've been able to turn down the volume pretty pretty heavily. And and there's a way it's like, alright. It's just like in the it's just in the background of Boy Beach.

Like, I'm cool in the Speedo. And and I I love I love that as a framework. Yeah. I love that you said that.

Well, when I thank you. When I when I was working with cancer patients and they were going through their treatments and and and not even just cancer patients, other other patients at my acupuncture practice, I would tell people, especially when they had chronic pain, these practices are not a magic wand. They don't they don't just take it entirely away, but they do this turning down the volume. Right? And then one of the things I would say is practice it every time you need it.

So, typically, when I'm very anxious or when I'm having a lot of pain, but also practice it in moments when you don't, when you're already feeling good to strengthen that. So so can we start to practice calmness when we don't when we're not in the fit of that news headline that just you know? So that when the news headline does come, well, I've already practiced this. So this isn't the first time or the second time. I'm starting to create this neural pathway towards a grounded presence, and then I can start to rely on it more and more and more.

So one takeaway, I would say, in the the application and practice of calmness in our lives, Don't wait until you're in a hysterical fit Mhmm. To do it. Now if you find yourself in that place, try some stuff. Breathe. Feel your feet.

Look around the room. What do you see? What do you hear? What do you feel like? Any of those things are gonna help.

Then also do that when you're not in that place to strengthen it and strengthen it. And one final thing I would say is, journaling. If you haven't you know, if you're a man listening to this podcast and you're not journaling, journal. And sometimes that journal can be it's a safe space. No one reads it but you.

Three pages of just, fuck. Like, you know, like, oh, like, get it out. Get it out of your head and then be like every time I'm done journaling so I journal three pages every morning, stream of consciousness, so, like, the morning pages from, The Artist's Way. And then I do a a gratitude list and some other things. And every time I'm done with that, I always feel more grounded.

Mhmm. It does not mean that I don't have problems in my life or I don't have concerns. I don't have worry. I still do the have those things. I I absolutely have those things.

But it turns the volume down enough to be like, okay. Now what how do I wanna be around that? What do I wanna do with that? So those are some suggestions. Journal, breathe, feel your body, move, laugh.

And there's a and, I heard you guys talking. There's, being onboard from yourself. Right? So, like, if something comes along, that news headline or that relationship thing comes up and it can, like, onboard, you can take you away. We've talked a little bit about, like, how do you, like, bring yourself back to yourself?

And then, Tim, you were just talking about, like, practices that that can help keep us, like, from becoming onboard, right, or, like, grounding ourselves a little bit more, deepening our roots so that when those big breezes come by, we don't break. We sway with it and we are able to, like, work with it a little bit, but we don't get fully onboard. Eventually, though, sometimes we do get onboard, and then we also have practices that can bring us back.

And part of the practice, that you both have probably experienced in the circle is getting being pushed beyond your your edge, your limit, and feeling that moment of, like, I feel overwhelmed. This is more than I can handle. But when you are familiar with that, like, oh, I've been pushed beyond my edge. I know what that feels like. Then it's less panicky to come back into what you can control.

But when you've never done that, you're like, I'm just been pushed into unchartered territory. It can be a complete freak out. So just even becoming aware of, like, I've I've had this discomfort before, and I know what to do. I know how it looks. I know how it feels.

Yeah.

It's a very empowering thing.

I'm laughing because I've I've had that experience when I've been to the embodiment circle.

Oh, you have?

Do you wanna do

you wanna

share with us? I don't remember the you know, but you're just I don't know. You're you're you're, You

were having a terrific time.

I was on a good break. No. You know, you have that moment where you're like, why did I come here? I hate this. This is really painful.

If I have to do, like, you know, whatever. They want me to do, like, 10 more of these things, and you're just, like and then and then, you know, the physiology, I think, takes over. Right? And the endorphins take over and all that. And and and also I think there's I'm someone, like, who who often, especially in a physical sense, will tell myself that I can't do it.

You know? Mhmm. And so, really, that's, you know, part of my, like, older self kind of, you know, in addition to, like, my, like, muscles or breath screaming, you know, there's that that voice voice in your head too. I also think the unmore the, you know, mooring ourselves and being unmoored, you know, what a fitting metaphor that we're here in Provincetown. Right?

We have we've got a score of moorings, right, in our harbor for for non coastal listeners. Right? A mooring is is is where you attach a boat to when it's, you know, at rest. And, you know, it's really meant to to help you ride out waves and and some minor storms. Sometimes the storms get really bad and you gotta actually, like, pull the boat out of the harbor because we got a hurricane.

Sometimes the storms get really bad and the chain breaks. Yeah. Right? And then is the motor powerful enough to get you oar? Is the oar strong enough or the rower strong enough to get it back to that more?

Yeah. I mean, in in a real Provincetown storm, probably not. Like, you shouldn't be on the water.

Probably so. And a

rooster pull the boat out. Like, let's you know?

Which also is another strategy. Yeah. Like, sometimes you just have to pull the

boat out. You gotta pull that boat. You gotta call flyers, get the boat out of the water.

But that, that's a great example of, having an awareness of what your limitations are. So we talk about, like, these capacities or the edges that knowing, like so in this town, oh, this level of storm is coming, and we are empowered when we know it's too much. The boats have to come in. That is a conscious, powerful choice that we can make so that we avoid this other thing later.

Right. Sometimes it's you have to turn off the television. You have to mute your phone. You have to do whatever it is that is bringing your your ship to to land for a little bit so that you don't get untethered.

And the tricky part now is we just have really bad forecasting when it comes to this current administration, right, who who, you know, I thought

you were about to make a weather joke.

So okay. No. You're joking. Well, that's true. To make a weather.

No. Let me know. You know. But but with this administration, right, you you you know, you can never tell, like, what tsunami or hurricane or nor'easter or, you know, you know, forecast of six inches of snow that turns into be a dusting. Right?

And and and and again but that's the their point. That's, like, their strategy to unmoor us, to to have us, you know, go away from ourselves, to essentially feel just totally overwhelmed and defeated.

Well, and the the the the art of distraction. You know, like, I'm gonna I'm gonna say this big sort of flashy thing over here, and you're all gonna pay attention to it. And then this other thing can be happening over here. And it feels like one of the things we're kind of talking about today is this, returning to ourselves, as you mentioned earlier, and this grounded presence because it feels there have been moments, where I feel like, oh, the only way I can have a real impact in the world is if I were to become a senator and, like, cast a deciding vote. And that can feel really, disempowering and overwhelming because you're like, well, I'm probably not gonna be that.

And, you know, and then you realize, but what if I show up in a grounded present way in my community and try to make change, I can still have an impact. It isn't it isn't kicking Donald Trump out of the White House, but it's still something. And then if we all were able to tap into that, how powerful might we be? And, I mean, you must have had that experience a little bit. Right?

First of all, I'm I'm a state senator. State if anyone's seen, The Office, right, there's a there's a great joke that I love, right, when someone's going on. You need

a date with

a state senator. I have a date with the senator tonight. And it's like, state senator. I am not Elizabeth Warren's colleague. But, no.

I mean, I I I in my experience and and I represent you know, I've had the fortune of getting to know so many of these people in this work, right, and getting to represent 19 communities across, you know, The Cape and The Islands and getting to work with scores of people in Massachusetts and the whole network of, people you meet, you know, nationally in this work too. Some of those, like, consequential movers and shakers that you encounter in a community, they ain't the electeds. They're not the politicians. You know? And we certainly have our role in in in place and an important leadership role.

But, you know, I I I really think it's important to, you know, remind, you know, ourselves that, engagement, that stepping out in your community to instigate change, however that looks like, is really important. And and if we just if we just allow ourselves to be overwhelmed by this moment and say, you know, alright. You know, the world's a pretty did I say fucked up? Mhmm. You

can say that. I can

say that in the bucket. Yeah. You know, look, the world's like a pretty fucked up place, and, like, I just wanna, like, you know, turn my back to the world as as Thoreau said you can do here on Cape Cod. Right? Well, we're not you know, that's that's not gonna be good for you, and that's gonna be good for all of us.

Right? We we need we need to stay engaged. And we gotta figure out how how that is, and we gotta figure out how to do it in a way that, you know, we we we don't become unmoored for ourselves, that we can, you know, we conform ourselves, that we can stay have some sense of sort of our calm through that. Yeah. But figuring out, like, where that is and what that is, and part of the magic, I actually think, of of these smaller communities.

Right? Is you're in a place where people, you know, where you know your neighbors, where, like, we in we we, you know, we are in it together. But figuring that out, I think, is, like, really crucial, and it's a real, I think, mistake, and and and will be a real lost opportunity, if people feel like, well, you know, I'm not not a senator or a state senator. Yeah. You know, I what can I do?

You know? Yeah.

I mean, because there are definitely times where I would I would be sitting in my living room, like, very overwhelmed and, like, angry at Mitch McConnell. And, and then you think like, well, that isn't that isn't really helping anything. I I one thing I would say, we talk about this a lot in the men's workspace is, you know, bringing our own magic, trying to find our own magic and bring our own magic. So it does feel to me, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, this idea of, you know, we don't necessarily have to make the change. It doesn't have to be political.

It doesn't you don't have to if you want to run for local office or or try to, you know, pass legislation, but you can do something else too. You can do any number of things, and I suspect that it's always gonna be more powerful if you feel connected to it through your heart, you know, which is why I'm clearly passionate about health and wellness. I'm passionate about men's work and men's embodiment and and our queer community, and so that's the stuff I'm doing. But I think if each of us really dives into the things that we care deeply about and want to bring to the world, that feels like some of the deepest, most authentic power we can tap into. What what do you think about that?

Yeah. Like, a %. Right? And that, I I often see this with with people who are younger folks who are kind of, like, interested in politics. Right?

There's a certain person who kinda really, you know, wants to be in the game and wants to be in the arena and such. And and that there's this folks will often look for opportunities where, you know, it might be the most, like, prestigious opportunity. And I've really found even my own experience, actually, like well, the work that has been most valuable to me professionally and, like, for myself, for my soul, for my purpose in this world, has been the work that I've been, like, connected to and has also been working with really good people. Right? Has been in in collaboration with others.

Right? Anytime I've been involved in in instigating change, you know, from from a high school budget to, you you know, important laws that we passed in Massachusetts, you know, shield you know, the shield law, right, protecting access to gender affirming care and abortion care, you know, saying that those health care services are a right protecting the constitution. Right? That was done That wasn't just me. That was something like a team of people.

Right? That was, like, bigger than you. And so, you know, I I I think that, it's easy to get really wrapped up in, thinking we can sort of, it's all on me. I have to sort of control this, and and not really and and or, like, or, like, I need to do the most, like, prestigious thing I can. You know, I was someone who, you know, was fortunate enough to to have a White House internship, and it looked phenomenal on my resume.

But I will tell you, I learned so much more than I skills that I use on a daily basis, waiting on tables. When I took sort of the job at the Department of Public Health in Massachusetts around a topic I was, like, passionate about and wanted to work on and working with, you know, some brilliant people I want to work with, you know, that wasn't as sort of sexy as Shoe is getting, you know, a staffer position in the governor's office, you know, which I probably could have lobbied for at the time. But that more you know, that that position where I was grounded in the work, I was connected to it. I was working with people who I, admired and emulated and wanted, you know, wanted to learn from. That was, like, so much more valuable, and helpful both from a career perspective and and just a life perspective.

And I think I think we forget that. And it's easy to forget that in a world where things feel so tenuous, where there's such, like, there's rabid competition for everything. And, you know, I just try to remind myself of that, you know, even now in the position I have. Beautiful.

Thank you for sharing that.

Yeah. There's there's definitely something about, like, when we do things in service of others or with the intention of, like, impressing others. For example, I'm just gonna use your your White House example. Right? Like, you know, it does look impressive on paper, but like you just said, it's not something that you gain the most value from.

Right? The most valuable things are sometimes the not the most sexiest things. Right? But if you're deeply connected to them, the value that they have is tremendous. And I've I've hired many people in in my corporate jobs.

And I can see I can look at two resumes and I can say, like, oh my gosh. This person came from Google. This person came from Microsoft. Like, they must be amazing. But then you meet them in the interview and you're like, oh, like, you're you're just, like, throwing this in my face as a way to kind of, like, try to impress me, but there's not a lot of, like, connection there.

You're not actually, like, trying to connect. Interview doesn't really go anywhere versus, like, some of the best interviews I've had and some of the best people that I've hired have been, like, hater waiters who have learned graphic design or copywriting skills on the side and then have come in through that way.

Yeah. Honey, you can bartend. You can wait on tables, especially here in August. Yeah. Yeah.

You can do anything. Also, to be clear, this is the Obama administration, to be clear. Listen, there's a lot of snow. And it was, you know, it it was a fascinating and and and amazing, you know, sort of opportunity. But I I found the exact same thing, with people who now work on my team, And and I think we just need a little more of that.

Yeah. Do things for yourself that bring you that spark, that bring you that fulfillment. And in doing so, you'll learn you'll develop more of that self groundedness, that bringing yourself back to yourself that helps you to weather the storm. And, you know, also it's about having, like, rewarding, fulfilling work. And this this is sort of turned into, like, a a career coaching thing,

but, you know what I mean? Like, I I think having, like, you know, having rewarding, fulfilling purpose, in your life. Right? And that can be through a practice. That can be certainly through, you know, like, our friendships and our relationships with people in our lives.

That can be service in our community. You know, that can be in your job as well. Finding that, I think, is a real I I feel it's a real gift to have, you know, to have this job that I have. And, like, look, there's there are some headaches and there's some challenges. It's not not easy, every day, but there's a tremendous, I have a tremendous amount of gratitude for, the purpose that I get to have, the people that I get to work with, and that, you know, I'm reminded, you know, almost every day in this job, right, and how essential the the people part of it is, and how, you know, the longer I've been doing this, the more stuff you wanna get done, not about you.

Mhmm. You know, it's about no one gets anything done on their own. And, actually, the more powerful you get and the more, like, ability you have to get things done, the more actually dependent you become on some other people to get things done. Yeah. Because they figure out what you want, and then they want the exchange.

Obviously, these themes are not being even considered, at the national level in our politics, but I think we we need a lot more of this in our politics, right, of this, one acknowledgment, I think, that people are pissed, that people feel really disenfranchised, that people feel that the, you know, the system the game's rigged. And I think I think they're right in feeling that way. Mhmm. I think, though, that, you know, we've gotta do a better job sort of pointing out, you know, what's sort of going on here. Right?

And it's not, you know, it is not, you know, a d n DEI initiative or, you know, as Laverne Cox said, right, trans folks that are, you know, raising the price of eggs or taking your jobs. Right? I mean, this is this is really, you know, we've seen a a an unprecedented accumulation of wealth, you know, occurring at the very top of our society, making it harder and harder, for so many of us to get by. Right? And I think we've gotta focus on how do we have those conversations with people.

Yeah. You know, how do we both acknowledge, right, that things aren't working, and also get kinda really, you know, Well, you

you did mention something that I wanna bring up. You were you were talking just a second ago about, the value of purpose. And I do believe that having purpose is, an ingredient in the formula towards this calmness that we can then use as a form of resistance. And in men's workspaces, it is said that, I think David Data was the one who wrote it about purpose being the most important thing in a man's life, and and a full commitment to that purpose benefits him and everyone in his life and with whom he shares it. And I do think that's right.

When you start to think about, well, what am I here to do? What do I really care about? What do I wanna create or birth into existence in this lifetime? And if I know I want to bring health and wellness, I'm speaking for myself now, health and wellness and, you know, an embodied experience in in these sorts of things, then I feel more capable of weathering these things in my in my external environment because I'm still committed to this. So the pursuit of purpose, I think, is a huge, ingredient in calm, conscious action.

And I feel like that's what I heard you saying. And then we talked, if you're unclear, well, how do I know what my purpose is? We just talked about this on one of our episodes recently. One way that you can start to identify your purpose and your passion in this life is to start to become aware of your experience of joy. So what does joy feel like in your body?

How do how do you experience it? And then just like the bread crumbs and I think it's Hansel and Gretel. Right? The more you're aware of joy, the more you can notice the bread crumbs. If you're on a path with a lot of bread crumbs, keep walking.

It is telling you something. If you're on a path with very few or no bread crumbs so if you're listening now and you're like, well, yeah, I wanna be calm as a form of resistance, and I'm gonna do that by pursuit of my purpose, but I don't know what my purpose is. Pay attention to your joy. Start to look for your joy. And if you don't know how to do that, just start by what does it feel like to be joyful.

That's where I would that's where I would start.

One of the reoccurring themes that I've heard in this episode is coming back to self between Julian, you rediscovering music in your high school and that really leading you down a path of tapping into your public service. Right? There was an opportunity there that through reconnecting with yourself ignited something in you that has now directed you down your path. Right? And, Tim, you were just talking about these breadcrumbs of of finding that joy and, like, bringing in that authentic expression as a way to really, like, root ourselves in our our present groundedness.

And so I think that this has been a really engaging episode to, like, explore this topic as, like, calmness isn't a passive act. It's actually a very active thing that we work on, and it's not about being subdued. It's about being, you know, ourselves and and sure in ourselves.

So and then when you have that, you when you understand what brings you joy and gives you purpose and understand what your purpose is and ties that to identity, you can then you know, calmness enables you to come back to that purpose, that identity, right, and to know yourself. Mhmm. I think that's a real key, you know, key lesson and the thing that I haven't really thinking about in these last kind of very difficult four weeks and and what we know is gonna be, a really challenging period for some time to come. So thank you so much for having me.

Thank you for coming.

It's been really cool to see, this project launch and all you all have been putting into it, and just thank you for being just vibrant, wonderful, joyful people, in our community here in Provincetown and in my life.

Thank you very much, and it's been a very, pleasurable experience to have you here as well. Tim, Julian, do you feel complete?

I'm complete.

I feel complete. Alright. Will you take us out, please? I will. Let's, close our eyes and just connect to our breath.

And it is with deep appreciation and gratitude for the shared space, the sacred circle, this conversation, and all the insights and understandings that may have come that we now release the four masculine archetypes and the spirits that we called in. And as we leave the circle, I wish everyone safety, community, love. And with these words, our container is open, but not broken. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.