Belonging Without the Buzz: Queer Sobriety & Connection
What does it mean to feel free, connected, and authentic in queer spaces—without the crutch of alcohol or drugs? In this episode of The Circle, Eric and Tim are joined by Dave Becker, founder of Sober Gay Sunday, to explore queer sobriety, nightlife, and what it means to connect without substances. Dave shares his personal story—from circuit parties and addiction to building a sober community that celebrates authenticity and nervous system regulation. Together, they unpack why so many queer people seek connection through bars and substances, and how alternative spaces like sports leagues, podcasts, and sober events can offer deep belonging. Whether you're sober, sober-curious, or just navigating your place in queer community, this conversation invites reflection, honesty, and compassion.We go all in on:Why nightlife became the default way queer people connectHow sobriety opened new dimensions of joy, clarity, and nervous system awarenessWhat a more inclusive queer social landscape could look likeHow to listen to your body, set boundaries, and honor your own paceWhether you're sober, sober-curious, or just reflecting on your relationship to community and connection, this episode offers insight, honesty, and hope.Rate, review, and subscribe to The Circle to keep exploring men’s embodiment, queer healing, and personal growth.Chapter Markers:00:00 – Welcome to The Circle01:07 – Introducing Dave Becker & Sober Gay Sunday04:50 – First steps into gay nightlife and early alcohol use08:20 – When partying turns into dependence11:15 – The loop between alcohol, identity, and belonging15:35 – Queer nightlife and double lives18:55 – What are we seeking in nightlife and substances?21:50 – The “chip on the shoulder” of queer identity26:00 – The pandemic and Dave’s path to sobriety30:25 – Community support & the surprise of being celebrated sober34:05 – Advice for those navigating sobriety alone39:35 – The power of shared experience44:50 – What is a sober coach? How Dave found his50:00 – Why Dave started Sober Gay Sunday54:25 – What makes the queer sober experience unique58:40 – Social anxiety, nervous systems & knowing when to leave01:05:20 – Embodiment, boundaries & the wisdom of the body01:12:30 – Inclusive queer spaces: from bars to kickball fields01:19:15 – The structure of sport as a new kind of container01:24:00 – Sobriety as a practice, not a perfect01:27:00 – Closing reflection & breath practice with Tim
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